The best things in life are actually really expensive. Success is just failure that hasn’t happened yet. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions. Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment. I’ve developed a new philosophy. I only dread one day at a time.